I try not to get too attached. Because if one day they end up walking away, at least it wouldn’t hurt just as much. There’s a part in my heart I’ll always leave guarded. That’s the only part I need to push myself to get back up on my feet. To avoid being too disappointed.
I really want to just go somewhere. I was thinking a different country, maybe somewhere in Europe like Ireland. Maybe even Switzerland. Anywhere, even a small town in a different state here.Every random quiz I take on buzzfeed leads to Paris or something French related so many France is the spot for me. One day randomly buy a train ticket or plane ticket with whatever little money I have and try to live off a small job as a waitress or something where ever I go. Point is, I’ve been thinking about going somewhere by myself, alone just to find myself. But the thing is I KNOW even know that’s the way to do it, I want to go with someone who is trying to do the same thing. I want to go alone with someone who is trying to find who he is as well. That way we can find out who we are together. I don’t know if that makes any sense of if it defeats the purpose of going alone and being by yourself, but I don’t care. What stops me is that I don’t know if I can just leave my family behind and go without telling them and also I just don’t have anyone like that to go with.. But anyways that is what I want.